The Show Notes
Mark, tell us a bit about how you got to where you are right now…
- I have been self employed for 25 years so I needed internal structure
- I was achieving what I thought was the highest level of success, travelling the world with passive income
- I licensed my software business out to clients
- I couldn't understand why these clients were not taking action with this amazing opportunity
- I had a feeling that I was going to destroy all I had created and throw away all the money I had earned
- Eventually I realised I had to turn pro, so I made a crazy decision and closed my software company down overnight and began a wonderful new journey.
Q: Talk to me about your inclination to self destruct; was there any evidence that this was going to happen?….
- I just knew it was going to happen, it was intuition.
- I recognised a pattern in my behaviour and had to face up to the fact that I had seen these cycles in myself before. I had started to make moves and decisions based on a feeling of being unhappy and therefore I would destroy everything and start again. I decided this pattern had to stop.
Q: Along that roller coaster journey, what was your worst moment in life and what did you do to overcome it?….
- I have seen my life as a series of disasters that I've been trying to correct….
- The first was in 2006 when my first marriage broke down. My health was bad and I was overweight…. Generally failing in all areas.
- I realised that I am responsible. I had to take responsibility for myself. This realization was a key catalyst
- The second was when my clients were not taking action and my father became terribly ill.
- I found myself facing my own mortality.
- I asked: am I really doing what I want to be doing? Am I really being the best I can be? We all die, we are all heading to the same place.
- When my father died, rather than getting drunk and letting it bring me down I decided to take full responsibility for my life. I am where I am and there's no one else I can blame. I’m not going to accept second best anymore.
Q: I know you're interested in helping people take value based committed action. Define that for us….
- Picked up from the british psychological society
- Thoughts – feelings – actions – outcome.
- VBCA is getting clear on what's important to you.
- Break down the values that really matter to you
- You're going to have unwanted thoughts and feelings…. The question is can we take action in the presence of these thoughts and feelings?
- This is a method for stepping back from negativity and giving yourself room to reflect upon your values.
Q: What are the primary thoughts and feelings that get in the way of people taking committed action to get what they want
- There's a million different kinds. Overwhelm, stress, procrastination, sedation
- Either you'll avoid the thoughts, or you'll try to eliminate them, or you'll try to control them
- What shows up will be the main ones: anger, sadness, greif, fear etc.
- These act as triggers and set us off down a particular route of thinking
- The triggers are different for everyone
- What really CAUSES these is one’s core belief structures.
- I aim to get people to take value based committed action without trying to control, eliminate or avoid these negative thoughts
Q: how do we move forward in a positive way without being held back by these thought triggers?
- The self development mantra is change your thoughts change your life. Im saying the opposite: don't even try to change your thoughts
- It comes down to acceptance
- This doesn't mean tolerate. Don't tolerate anything against your values
- Accept the human condition… you should be happy, but most of the thoughts and feelings we have aren't particularly good trying to change a thought after its happened is trying to control something. Accept it.
- It's a simple process: What would I see you doing? (external) and what would you be feeling (internal)
- What shows up when you think about doing the things you need to do? Feel like grabbing a beer? I’d observe you getting a beer from the fridge. You start to learn to spot these loops.
- It really comes down to presence.
- If you want to put a gap between the action and the thoughts you need to recognise the triggers and create distance between your actions and your feelings
Q: We have so many negative thoughts every day and we see ourselves as these thoughts. This is a great way for people to look at the feelings they are having and step back a bit…
- If you have the thought that you're stupid, step back to “I am having the thought that im stupid’
- Then to’ I am noticing that I am having the thoughts that Im stupid”
- Create distance. It all comes down to perspective
Q: A lot pf people don't know what they want physically in your life and thus cannot define their values. What's your framework for deciding what's important to you?
- You can't isolate value work and belief work. Figure out what you believe and why. Then you can start to modify it. Values are the same
- There is surface level stuff…. All values in a list of values appear good. Properly define for yourself which values really motivate YOU.
- Goal setting is the same…. Instead of saying I want to travel and Im going to go to rome…. So you get there and then what? Its done
- Instead…. Travel east. That's a value. Once you get to rome you can keep going because you can keep travelling east. Always live your values
- Always serving your life purpose
Q: what 3 things would you encourage our listeners to do now to improve the quality of their lives?
- Data not Drama. Do an assessment of where you are now and face the facts. No drama, just facts
- Then get clear about what you want. Where it is you want to go? What is the gap between who you are now, and who you want to be?
- Then you need a process. Process leads to progress leads to success.
- Process is something that will move me forward a millimeter every day. It's impossible not to succeed.
The Quickfire Round
Q: What is the best personal development advice you ever got, and from whom?
- Brendon Burchard, who said “either something new comes into life or something new comes out of you.” and “Life doesn’t have a meaning you give life a meaning”
Q: Can you give us a personal habit or personality trait that you think most contributes to your success?
- Question Everything
Q: What does success mean to you?
- Get really clear on what your values are, and then creating a life in which you can live them daily
Q: Where can our listeners find out more about you and what you do?