The Show Notes
Okay, Rephoel. Welcome to the success Kickstart podcast. How's it going?
- Fantastic? Thank you so much for having me.
Q: It's a pleasure very very excited to have you here and share your message of personal development and self growth with my audience. Now to get us started take a few minutes take us behind the scenes and really give us your story. I'd love our listeners to kind of know where you've come from what it is that you're doing right now and how you got to where you are in your life at this point.
- I think everybody's story starts when they're born, but we definitely don't have time for that and especially the first few years I don't remember much.
- I think my coaching story starts from when I first saw a coach when I was probably around 20, I went to a coach, it was actually someone that I met socially and it turns out he was a coach which I think is the best way to ever introduce yourself to people as just being yourself and then people get attracted to you and what your conversations are like.
- So when I met this this coach friend of mine I was at a point where I wanted to know more about myself and I felt like I was ready to start dating but I felt like there was so much that I still needed to know about myself before kind of moving my life into that next stage, which I really wanted and to have a family and all that good stuff.
- So,when I had gone to a coach, I had never known at that point what a coach really was so I was kind of you know wary. I thought it was like kind of therapy and I knew that there's nothing really wrong with me. So the whole thing was a new and crazy experience and I realized and I learnt that there was so much in my life that I was living by that was my own personal beliefs like a lot of what we work on in coaching is seeing what may be our own beliefs that are holding us back from achieving what we need to achieve and having someone on the outside point that out to us.
- So,when I that first saw that its kind of blew my world. I had a really crappy foundation like it was my confidence and all that sort of stuff that was really fake and a state that I was just acting on and when I kind of peeled away all those layers, I saw that there was so much more I could build myself up onto if that makes sense.
- And that's what that's what he showed me. And when I realized that that we all do this we all kind of formulate our own world about how we want to see the world and how we want to live or how we want to survive. Hopefully I help people stop surviving and start living but that's where a lot of people are living from.
- I cannot live the same way again, and I didn't and I did great greatwork with my coach and I got married about a year or two after that and now I have two children and I would not be where I am today if I had not started that coaching – that was definitely a first step for me and I was so passionate about helping other people do the same thing because I just kept on hearing from that point on when I would became aware of what it means to be living with limited beliefs in self-formed reality and how many people were also doing that and holding themselves back.
- I just heard things that that drove me mad that people were living a certain way or keeping themselves small because of what they believed reality to be when really it was just how their reality was and all that could be changed and we can help people can have whatever they want if they were willing to challenge themselves or look from an outside perspective in order to achieve their goals. That's what I'm super passionate about.
Q: It's very cool and it feels totally in line with my vision, which is that lots of people are sort of blinkered, they just go around life living life as they are and as its handed to them and they make some decisions along the way like what hobbies they want to have and maybe what business or what career they want to pursue and that's fine. But apart from the key things like that, it’s sort of just handed to them and they sort of just take what they’re given and actually people don’t really take a step back and it sounds like you didn't until you went and saw a coach. Yeah, because they don't say well there's something wrong with me. I'm all right. They don't thrive. So, along your way life has its ups and downs. So, if you had to describe your most difficult moments so far, what would that be? And what did you do to overcome that? And because I don't want to focus on the negative too much. What was the big lesson that you took away from that event? So just to clarify you mean? What was the most difficult part in my life or in my coaching career in your life in my life?
- Well it definitely it came up I feel while I was coaching. I realized that I thought that I was a pretty confident person and I was more in a leadership position which I remember where in my life I formulated that. In my high school years, I realized that you just have to act a certain way as if you know what you're doing for people to start following you and I got amazing results.
- But while I was coaching, I realized that I didn't really believe myself at all. And if anybody would attack me head-on and shake that foundation then I would be left with nothing and I had experienced that a few times and I remember when I discovered that that, that underneath it all was just kind of like this emptiness and I felt like such a bad person – there was really nothing there. It was just basically anything that I decided to say – I could tell you that I'm confident and if you believe that then that would work and if not then I don't know what I was and I just remember being stuck in this dark place for a few days and I thought that that was who I was, you know, my essence is this, nothing but a black hole and the way out of that was recognizing that first of all, that's completely human.
- We all we all have parts of us that we'd rather not look at or parts where we've messed up, but that doesn't define who we are and what really defines who we are is the willingness to grow and to learn from that and to move forward and not get stuck, you know, even if we do discover that there are things that we do that we don’t like that we can change so it's the moving forward and that inner courage I would call it that defines who we are and not by our actions.
Q: This is actually bringing me nicely onto the next question actually, which is basically what is your kind of general philosophy your big-picture overview when it comes to personal development the idea that somebody can build the life of their dreams. They can build a life that for them is truly successful. Whatever that might mean because it varies from person to person. What's your Mantra? What's your big personal development philosophy?
- I believe that anyone can achieve anything that they want.
- If you can dream it, then you can do it and and besides that it just being like a positive affirmation kind of thing, it really is true because if you had the dream that means there's something in you that is pulling you towards it and that you know deep down you could do and is only all these blockages that you might be formulating for yourselves that are holding you back because you would never dream of being a big a super coach or an author or speaker if that was totally unattainable for you.
- You wouldn't be able to dream of such a thing. Right? It's only because you know that that's possible for you. And if nothing was holding you back if you weren't scared of anything you would be able to do it. You would know what you need to do. And it's only the fact that you have all that that we all have these fears or these blockages or other reasons that are holding us back from doing it is why we think that we can't and that's why I am so passionate about showing people that that inner voice.
- I’m writing my second book about this – about locating that inner voice figuring out what talks to you if there were no other problems, if you had no excuses or no fears or nobody was watching, what is that thing that you're passionate about and that's totally attainable for you and helping people bring that out into fruition.
Q: Let's dig into that a little bit more than because that's really interesting. So, why do you think that most people are living a life that is unfulfilled and not maximizing their potential – you've talked about negative voices and fear. Let's dig into that a little bit. What is it actually stopping them from doing it?
- Well while I can't tell you that I believe that everybody is living this way just from every person I spoke to, every single person and if you and I've seen studies on this that most people let's say wish they had a different job like 80% of people don't like their jobs and most people wish that they could have something else.
- Everyone has a bigger you go where they want to get to or most people can tell you about a dream that they have, if I didn't have to work this much and if I didn't have this if I didn't have that then I would love to be doing x y z.
- I'm not telling you from a scientific point of view. I just tell you from experience that happens every single person that I've spoken to that everybody has this or anybody anytime somebody.
- Anytime someone complains about anything in their life and they wish for something else that that means that there's somewhere where they'd rather be other than here and they feel that they can't do that for a multitude of reasons.
- Common things come down to fear that's what I think and we can find a common denominator. They will put up they will put up these self-inflicted walls. I can't do that until I know I have kind of this amount of money so I don't have to worry about money or I have to really figure out how to do it but I don't really have time – all these kind of different excuses that they will give when it comes down to just being afraid of taking that step or being afraid of being a solo entrepreneur or afraid of what other people might say, or you know, all those all those types of things keep on coming up over and over again when I'm speaking to people so that's just kind of where I came up with that from
Q: That makes a lot of sense to a lot of the people I've spoken to and people in my audience I know that this struggle to kind of decide what they actually do want, they know that it's not what they've got. They know that what they've got isn't where they're looking to be, they know that they want more or they dream of having something more but a lot of people struggle to put their finger on exactly what it is that they want. So, I guess my next question is how do you recommend that people kind of design the life of their dreams and actually decide what is it that I want? What would make me happy?
- When I experienced that with someone I was speaking with a potential client. It didn't work out because he wasn't ready to do the work and he said he has no idea what he what he wants to do. And I said, well, let's let's talk about that, let's try to dig into that and he said, oh no, I don't have time for that.
- And I said, well we've got you know; we've made we've made this time together. So, let's use our time to kind of brainstorm and and he refused to and what I saw from there and from his not his not willingness to follow up is that there must have been something there that was too scary for him to look at.
- A lot of times and every coaching conversation that I've had with someone ,they got uncomfortable with something as long as I held the space for them and helped them through that, they all admitted that they were too scared to look there for different but there's no reason why someone shouldn't be able to dream without any pressure about what they would love to do.
- A lot of people might think it's too outrageous. You know, I'd love to be a millionaire. Okay? Well they see that as too outrageous but that's not really a goal in itself and what will that give you? What do you associate with being a millionaire that's so important to you or if people just don't know what activities they like to engage in, it, I would suggest that people kind of take some time where they're relaxed and just let their mind wander into when they were engaged in something that they didn't notice the time passing at all.
- That's how you know that you're really doing something that you love and it takes us focus and a time to relax with that idea not having to come up with anything when we stress our brains to come up with an answer. It causes them to contract and not be productive.
- So, if someone says they have no idea what it is they like to do, a big question that someone asked me years ago that I always use is what would you do? What would it be if you did know? I don't know what I don't know what I want to do. But what if you did know, what would it be?
Q: So, to do this it requires you to get over that fear. It requires real confidence to claim the life that you actually want. So how do we build the motivation and the power to not just think about the things that we want to do but actually to go out and start doing the things because obviously most of these big picture goals are going to be a little way away from us. They're going to require some effort they're going to take some time and probably some patience. So how do we build the motivation in the power that we need to actually get up off our ass and actually just go and do the thing rather than just dream about it.
- So how do we get the motivation and how do we get the courage and how do we start towards our goals? Sounds like three separate things.
Let's go with motivation
- There's a book called a hundred ways to motivate yourself written by my mentor Steve Chandler and I had also always thought about this, you know always just want a little bit motivation to on the days when I'm not motivated. So, I thought a book on how to motivate yourself would be amazing and while it's a great book and I recommended it, it didn't do what I thought it would do. It's not like whatever you're not motivated you peak in the book and you get motivated. And the reason for that is because the gist of the book is the best way to motivate yourself is to just start doing something, to do an action
- When we are feeling unmotivated, the only way to feel unmotivated is when you're not in action and the best way to build your motivation is to get into action. There's a common misconception that you can only start doing something once you feel motivated to do it, but it's actually the other way around – the more you do something the more motivated you are to do it and I'll give you an example that I do every single day to prove this point is for example, if you have a thought about writing a book see when I wrote my first book I had no intention of writing a book but I realized I had a lot of thoughts and a lot of things I was sharing with people that I just started putting down a little bit at a time with no pressure or no plan and the book came to be and that's because I worked on it a little bit every day and now with my second book I committed to write 10 minutes a day just 10 minutes a day and I'm more than halfway through and it did not take me long at all.
- And that idea did come from this book 100 ways to motivate yourself is committing to the smallest amount a day regardless of if you can see how that's going to play towards your bigger picture, but if you have a go and you have somewhere to go or even if you want to learn a new hobby. Do I learn how to play the piano, you sit down by the piano for five minutes a day and just start and then the more you start and that what's fascinating about this is when you're in the action, you get the motivation to keep doing it every single day.
- I sit down and I'm going to do my 10 minutes of writing and once you start typing away this the juices start flowing and you start getting into it and has to happen. It's impossible not to – every single thing you do and this is how runners train for marathons they go running every day whether they like it or not and once they start running, they get into it and they love it
- It's fascinating to try. You should try this. I once I sat down every day, but only a week or two ago, I started timing it setting a timer for 10 minutes and every single time I overshoot my timer because by the time the timer is over. I'm so into it, I can't stop yet.
Q: What happens along the way when we hit hurdles or speed bumps – what happens when we hit these things, they're going to slow us down. And how do we turn those kinds of hurdles into spring boards that push us forward?
- Well, I think it every hurdle you have to kind of look at by itself because if I answer you generally and tell you that a hurdle is not a reason to stop. If you hit a hurdle that that happens right, recognizing that that is going to happen and you're still going to do it. Anyway, you're still going to do what you were doing, still going to go towards your dream. It depends on what type of hurdle you're talking about and what it is you're working on that this would hold you up but let’s say if I'm committed to doing something every day and one day my life is crazy and all these things come up, I can't do it. So instead of getting all down that you miss today and letting that throw you off just rolling with it, the hurdles happen and the next day you're going to go on as a but as if that happened anytime you're going to get down on yourself, you're moving further away from your vision if you get what I'm saying?
- That’s a big thing that we that we do need, you know support for to remember that so we don't get stuck in that place but it's always about picking yourself back up recognizing that that's part of life that that's going to happen. If you think it's never going to happen it is going to happen.
- I also recently started like I committed to writing a hundred days of useful posts on Facebook. I have no idea how this is going to go or if I'm going to succeed but the point is if I miss a day, I'm not going to stop, I'm going to keep going and if I miss a week part of it will be hey I've been off for a week and I'm picking back up.
- Its holding myself accountable publicly to help me do it. So that's also a thing if you have it if you have someone that's holding you accountable or someone that you going to follow up with to make sure you're doing it, you can't afford yourself the luxury of getting stuck in stopping and staying there.
Q: As we start to approach the end of the main interview this is my big question. What are the top three things that you would encourage our listeners to do right now, today, to start making tremendous changes in their life based specifically on what you shared with us today?
- I would say to make 20 minutes for yourself and dream about what you would love to accomplish that you wouldn't admit to anyone else. Maybe it's just like a private dream
- The second thing would be to take the smallest action right away that you can get that emotion. I don't know if you've heard of the five-second rule but it's a famous Ted Talk and now a famous book written by Mel Robbins. It's as soon as you have an idea before you can get too scared or too complicated about how you're going to do it you count down to five and you just do it. Instead your brain has five seconds before it starts telling you all the reasons why it's not going to work or how it's not how you're not able to do it just get into that action before you can think back about it before you could take it back and I would encourage people who feel stuck to reach out to anyone to support them in that.
The Quickfire Round
Q: What was the best self-development advice that you've ever received from somebody else? And who was that person?
- What I heard today from super coach Jason Goldberg. He said if you are doing anything particularly in regards to coaching and helping people, if you're doing any action in order to get something back, then you're doing it wrong and you're going to be disappointed because when you try to make something happen, you're going to be upset if it doesn't happen and the other person's going to know that you're doing it for that reason. The best way to help people is just to help them without expecting anything in return .
Q: Can you give us a personal habit or personality trait that you think contributes to your success?
- I developed the habit of not giving up and continuously working on myself and I continuously receive coaching and continuously get harsh feedback, which I integrate instead of letting that hold me down. So, I think that's super important for people to be successful is you got to keep going and keep learning and not give up or take anything personal or take it personal and get upset and cry about it, but then still go keep going forward.
Q: What does success mean to you?
- Success means to me being happy with where you're at and always and having the impact you would like to have or always be going in the direction that you want to be going so, you know that you're on the right track, that’s successful. I don't think it's a there's an endpoint.
Q: Finally, and most importantly where can people go to find out more about you?
- The best place for people to find out about me is on Facebook – that is my main place of contact. I actually used to have a website and I actually got some good advice from my coach that I'd rather people learn from me directly than from a website where they can spy on me and decide what they think of me or testimonials or stuff like that like – that's never that's never going to give people a good enough picture as much as interacting with me directly. So that's why I don’t have a website anymore and I'm very happy about that.
We will put a link to your Facebook in the show notes, of course, which people can find over at Successkickstart.com/podcast will do. Thank you so much for taking some time out of your day to come and join me and the listeners to share the wisdom, and I know this is going to help a lot of people. So, thank you.
- Well, you're most welcome. Thank you so much for having me and it was my pleasure.