The Show Notes
Welcome to the success Kickstart podcast. How are you?
- I'm very well. Thank you for having me. It's a big pleasure to be here and I'm looking forward to seeing how this unfolds.
Q: I'm delighted that you've joined us. Just in case any of our listeners haven't come across you or your story before take a few minutes take us behind the scenes and give us your story because listeners like to know where you've come from, what it is that you're doing right now and how you got to where you are in your life at this point.
- I grew up in four different countries in Belgium, France Bulgaria where I'm originally from and the UK
- The way I got here was when I was at University in the UK, I was certainly very shy when speaking English and I saw all of my friends are not like that and I was what's the difference between me and them and how come in Bulgarian and French I'm really open minded and talking freely and I don't have all of these obstacles
- So, I started with NLP, neuro-linguistic programming and analysing how our thoughts create our feelings and I just had this realization that in English, I'm creating the shyness and I don't need to do that and then I got deeper into that. How do we create our own realities and came across the principles behind clarity and then moved on to doing stuff like the work of Byron Katie and of course in Miracles, and so I finished my studies?
- I still had the beliefs that I had to work, you know full-time nine to five job and then slowly I realised that's not for me. I'm not doing what I want. So, I went part-time and now since recently I'm doing life coaching full-time.
Q: What a great story if you had to identify or describe along that journey, whatever your most difficult or lowest moment was what would that be and more importantly because we don't want to dwell on the negative, what did you do to overcome it? What was the big lesson that you took away from that?
- My answer would be that my highest moment was also my lowest in the sense that once I realised I'm creating my own reality, this was huge for me and it led me to a really beautiful space of presence and enjoying everything that I'm doing at first, but then I was like wait can this last – is this real and then I slowly went back to my old patterns. And so, this this fall back from this place of bliss was kind of my lowest moment and what I did to overcome it I think is realizing that in order to overcome difficulties, we need to see what is true. So, what is the lesson in them?
- When we start seeing the world from this perspective of truth then suddenly it all makes sense and we can be in that state of blissfulness for longer periods of time.
Q: It's almost like a sense of self sabotage isn’t it? That idea that everything's going great, things can't be this good, I'm not good enough to be here almost and then that sort of just crumbles and you end up sinking back down into those patterns that weren't so sustainable and stuff. It's really interesting and on the flip side of that I guess what's the biggest and most exciting epiphany you've had in your life that's inspired your philosophy of what personal development means and why it's so important. What impact did that have on you?
- I think it's as I said, it's realizing that I'm creating my own reality and within that is realizing who I am that I am not my thoughts, that I am not this body but I am the consciousness or the space within which the thoughts and the actions in the movement in the world happens – that transformed everything.
- Suddenly you don't have to do anything in the world because the world is really new so I couldn't hold my previous perspective. It's a complete switch of mindset. But also, it's true. It's not like it's a belief, it's not like it's a technique. It's just the way it is.
Q: Now to achieve anything in life, it requires a certain level of motivation to get stuff done and you're a real expert on this idea of effortless motivation, which we're going to get into in a minute. But before we do, how do you define motivation? What does it really mean and why is it so important to help us achieve the things we want to achieve?
- I would define motivation as the beliefs that drive our actions.
- It's what happens behind the scenes of what I'm saying now or what I'm doing when I'm going about my day or everything that we're doing.
- It's motivated by some kind of belief or way to a prism through which we see the world.
Q: Why is that important? What's the knock-on effect of remaining motivated and I guess why do most people struggle to stay so motivated as well?
- I think what's really important and what I've realized is that our beliefs can change and so when we start noticing what feels good and what doesn't feel good, we can then see what is more true and what is less true.
- So, if I believe for example that going on a walk in the park would be nice, but then I also believe that doing this podcast will be nicer than obviously I'll do this podcast.
Q: So, this whole idea of understanding that the thing that is going to be enjoyable is obviously going to be easier to do and therefore how do we start to find pleasure in the stuff that we maybe don't want to do so much.? How do we start to make something that's perhaps you know going out and exercising might not be particularly enjoyable if you don't really like that – some people do and that's fine? But if you don't really like that and building the motivation to do a thing that you absolutely don't want to do – how do we begin with that?
- This is where my story sort defers from the usual three principal stories is that there are personal beliefs and there's universal beliefs. So, if we go in line with what is our purpose in the universe or in the world, then it's effortless because it's just what we want to do next. It's the only thing that makes sense. So sometimes I'm sure that everyone would want to exercise at some point. It's not like they hate it always and that's the case like so I would say being in the moment and feeling into what is the best thing to do next is the best way to remain motivated.
Have you come across in your kind of work the different areas of life that it's really essential to build motivation in – are there any areas of life that it’s particularly important to remain heavily motivated or where motivation is particularly difficult to find, I guess?
- I think the very fact of saying it as remain motivated it I think generally in the world there is a perception that motivation is a struggle, that it's something that we have to work on in order to be able to continue our actions. But in reality, it's there already.
- It's not like there's nowhere to get to to be motivated. It's not like I have to motivate myself to exercise. I either want to do it or I don't want to do it. It simpler in that sense.
Q: You have this interesting theory that actively going out and trying to get motivated and trying to find the inspiration to do something is actually something that leaves people unmotivated. How is that the case?
- It’s exactly like it's trying to get to where you already are.
- It's like if they realize I'm already motivated to do something and by staying still and present and letting the mind quiet them down then usually those things pop to the surface and then you just know what's the right next action.
- So, by trying to force motivation, it's like trying to force yourself to do something that you don't really want to do and I think that's where people struggle with motivation because they're doing actions that are not aligned with what they actually want to be doing.
Q: So, it's the idea I guess then that trying to find the motivation to take the first step is actually quite difficult. If you can get yourself to just step forward and then you'll find the motivation comes because you start to achieve things. I suppose that when you actually think people I've heard this before I experienced it myself that actually you can you can put off for weeks and weeks and weeks trying to get the motivation just to get up and take the first step just to sit down at the computer and start to write that essay or that blog post or do that thing, but actually what happens is once you actually start doing it, that actually starts to come quite naturally. Is that what you mean?
- Yeah, for sure.
Q: So, I think motivation is a really important part of our character and the idea is that we should try and develop a character that feels motivated that is more naturally driven to want to do stuff. So, what would you say are the main two or three keys to building great effortless motivation in a way that's going to be long-lasting and it actually becomes part of our character rather than just being this is how I feel today but tomorrow, you know, I might have dropped down again?
- What came to mind earlier when you said about long-lasting motivation is that when we start putting energy into something it's like consciously and unconsciously our focus closing there.
- So even when we relaxing or resting or having a shower, whatever we are still thinking about that thing because we're working on it and so little by little it builds because where focus goes, energy flows. So that's one way of continuing with something.
Q: It’s really just the idea of being able to slowly create this sense of motivation ourselves that makes us get up every day and want to do the things that need to get done to get the end result and focus on where we're going to end up. So how do we in your experience create the sort of perfect environment, the perfect situation for motivation and inspiration to flow through us rather than having to be this thing that we have to just battle against it. Nobody ever wants to live a life where everything they have to do is a fight, everything they have to do as argh I really have to do this thing and I really don't want to – there's always a little bit of that but the ideal situation is to build a life where you actually enjoy the things that need to be done. So how do we create the perfect environment for that to come to us?
- So, in my experience, that's probably the hardest part creating the environment.
- My experience with it is that I worked full-time for two years and I saved up money. So now I have a few months of just doing what I'm inspired to do and that's what I would encourage everyone to do Even for 2-3 months, just take a break from everything else and see what you're going to be up to.
- I think a lot of people are scared of doing that because they think, I'm just going to sit all day and be in my bed, watch a series or have drinks with friends and I'm not going to do anything but I think that's definitely not true.
- At some point you want to rest but once you're rested you want to act and you wouldn't want to act in the same way constantly – you'd be inspired to do very different things throughout those months or this time that you've set out to do exactly what you want.
That makes a lot of sense and there's a real journey here of ups and downs, like walking through the hills, you know, there's going to be days where you feel like you just want to fly and then there’s going to be times when you just want to chill and that's all balanced and cool as well.
So, as we approach the end, what would you say are the top three things that you would encourage our listeners to do right now today to start making tremendous changes in their life based specifically on what you've shared with us and your vision of motivation?
- Number one is to create the environment. So, the space in which they don't know what they're going to do next – to have that ability to just be present with what they want to do and see what they want to do.
- So, as you said sometimes that would be resting and other times it would be going out with friends, attending events etc.
- The second thing that's really important to me is to find stillness, to find that peace of mind because I don't know if that's your experience too but any time I meditate and anytime I meditate with people, as soon as the mind quietens, there's always this tendency of it to come up with stuff that it really wants to do or is inspired to do next.
- So when I meditate I always quiet my mind and then I have a block note next to me and then I write down the things that popped into my mind and then I continue meditating and then when I stop meditation depending on the time that I've set for this, I look at my list and I started doing them and I genuinely feel inspired to do what I've come up with during the meditation. So that's number two.
- Number three is – maybe like getting a one-to-one with me because that's what I do. I'm a transformational life coach and I help people build the life that they genuinely want from inside and live their purposes.
The Quickfire Round
Q: Now it's time to jump over into the quickfire round. So, question number one. What was the best self-development advice you've ever received from somebody else and who was that person?
- Right now, I would say something that's probably not going to be the case six months ago or six months in the future, but it's from Jamie Smart and it is that it's impossible to feel the past or the future so we can only ever feel our thinking in the moment.
- This is so powerful every time I realize that I'm like, whoa, I'm right here. I'm not feeling anything else but my thinking yeah.
Q: Can you give us a personal habit or personality trait that you think contributes most to your success?
- I think it's challenging everything that I hear and practicing and asking questions. I know what my questions are and I always go out and ask them and challenge everything that I hear until it fits into place and until I know this feels really true and really good for me.
Q: What does success mean to you?
- This will be a nonstandard answer but success to me is being in the flow.
- So being in the present as soon as I'm there and as soon as I'm here, I know what to do next. I know what to say next and there is there is no other moment.
- So, it's not about making money. It's not about getting cars, it’s not about getting girls
- It's just about being present because this is where we are and this is where inspiration is.
Q: Finally, and more importantly where can people go to find out more about you?
- My website which is www.boyanm.com. And they can find my YouTube channel on which I've shared lots of meditations and insight and they can find me on Facebook or Instagram and Twitter.